Savior, Please

My prayer, Oh Lord that you would save me.  I feel desperate for God to show up.  Am I just a fool to think He will?  By faith I still believe, even when I can not see what He is doing.  In my desperation all I can do is be faithful to the calling he has on my life and in the life of my husband and kids.  We desire more than anything to follow His will, all along we thought we have been, JM's work and schooling, RD, our kids, & ministry. 

When I was 8 months pregnant with RRR JM and I wrote down our 5 year goals. Prayfully we submitted these to God as we felt these where the things in our lives that God was calling us to.  At the time we did not know the whole story but still trusted. We both put, to own a house & have another child.  JM put to be in a PhD program, a job he loved, and to teach his kids to love Christ.  I put for RD to completely sustain our family's needs, to write my story and to speak into the hearts of young women.   

Today we own a home, JM is in a great PhD program, he loves his job, we have 2 kids, we are in a community where our kids are growing up in the ways of the Lord and we are teaching them about Christ, I have slowing starting writing my story on a private blog, I love the community of young women that I get to be a part of, and RD -- well here is the struggle.  Up until about 1.5 years ago RD did a great job of providing for our family.  Robeck Design has allowed me to stay home with our kids, run our house, do ministry and provided financially for our family, it has always been our main source of income.  

When the economy dropped so did our business.  No longer where people needing big print projects done or huge websites to be built.  But God continued to provide clients with needs.  In the last two months we have seen less than minimal needs for graphic design.  Making no money for my family hits me at the core.  By nature I am a provider.  I have and will always find ways to make money, my mind just thinks that way.  All along I have tried my best to run RD with integrity, meaning if I really did not think that my client needed the service I would basically talk myself out of a job, to be honest I have done this more than once or twice.  RD has donated much of our time to non-profits and feel that that is part of the vision that God has given to us for RD.

So here I sit at a cross road. Or is it? I am not sure. We are loosing our house because I have not been able to bring the amount of funds needed to support our family.  Having an MBA and running my own business you would think, well just go out and get a job. So I tried to, no takers.  So then come up with something to make some money, so I did and in a month over 600 people visited our new service website with only .05% for the taking. So for the last month we have been praying for God to provide.  Never in our entire marriage has God not provided.  Specifically when it came to our finances.  Yesterday I finally broke down; crying out to God with every ounce of love I have to do a miracle. My faith is at the threshold and I am choosing to follow after Christ who has saved me.  I know we have worked hard and now we are waiting. I surrender RD to you Oh Lord, that you will do with it as you desire and use me how ever you see fit! Savior, Please! AMEN and AMEN!

I am encouraged by this song:  Josh Wilson - Savior, Please