Ash Wednesday...a day to remember our sins and forgiveness. It has been 20 year, just about, since I can remember going to an ash Wednesday mass. I grew up Catholic and for much of my church life I really did not know why we did what we did. It was sad and for the most part all I can think of is that those rituals made me feel afraid of God and without hope. Tonight was different. I was excited to meet God in a new way. I love the traditions I was raised with but really they had no meaning until I met Christ in my life. Tonight was just that. It was as if God was saying to me "it was not meaningless...your time at church growing up was not meaningless...I was there and I am here now. I forgive you for you did not know." My God oh how I love you!!!Tonight was a night of remembering how much of a sinner I am and how Christ gives me HOPE! This Ash Wednesday service lead me to Christ. To his arms of love and forgiveness. To a place where I could be me and I could be with Him, my Lord and Savior. It reminded me that I am sealed in Christ. That sin can not rip me from Christ; that the ashes placed on my forehead are a symbol of that and a reminder of my baptism. I was reminded that my Father in heaven came after me, he came for those who are lost and that never will he leave us. If you know my life you know that the fear of being left behind is real to me. Having my own dad leaving me at the age of five. Tonight though, tonight was a night of love and hope and security and forgiveness. I am promised that He is faithful even when I am not because he can not deny Himself.
So tonight I cried. I cried tears of pure joy. Joy in my Savior and his forgiveness of my sins. I will admit that I was afraid at first to get up out of my seat and go get the Ashes. My heart was pounding and my has clammy. There are so many memories that rushed through my head like; confessions, my dad, feeling weird and confused, being scared that God would be disappointed in me and that I REALLY was not worthy to be forgiven. As I finally came to the point of having the ashes placed on my head I heard these words from my Pastor "There is HOPE!" There it was, HOPE. The hope I never knew about before. Yes, I am a sinner and yes I do not deserve salvation but God loves me that much that he gave his Son for me to live and to live freely with HOPE!
His love truly is better than life. We sang this song, Kindness by Chris Tomlin, tonight and it was as if I was right in His hands. I have sang this song many times but tonight I understood that his love IS better than life. I love him and I know him and there lies the difference. So thank you Pastor for your love and faithfulness to have this service tonight. It was the most amazing Ash Wednesday service I have ever been to in my life, because now I understand and know what it means and now it is personal and has touched my heart.
PS - When I went to pick RRR up from her class at church she yelled "Mommy what did you do to your head...daddy is going to be so mad! Why did you put that cross on your head, it looks like dirt." After explaining it to her she said "next time take me with you, I want to have that on my head too because I want people to know that I love Jesus!"
No comments:
Post a Comment