Today I felt (physically) the worst I have ever felt. I was angry, tired and just wanted to curl up and fall asleep. So I did...for 1 hour I laid on the couch while the kids watched TV. Then I fed them and got a phone call...a deal I have been working on for over a month...it is happening...part of the contract is written and invoices sent out, the second part we are waiting on. Then I got a text for another small job...
I packed the kids up and went to the park as they needed to get out and get tired...so for 2 hours they played and I hung out while they came and sat on my lap a few times while playing. It was great.
We rushed home so I could answer emails and text messages and I realized that God is in full control. See we drive home from the park on Fairview Ave, on the corner of Fairview and MacAurther there is a man who stands there asking for help to feed him and his family. I saw him today and so as I passed and drive away I made a few u-turns to give him the little money I had in cash and the rest of the pizza and cookies the kids did not eat at the park. Right away the kids asked why we did that and I said he was hungry. Quite...everyone in the car was quite.
I know that God hears my cries and knows my needs better than I do but I am so self adsorbed that I can not see past my own nose. I hate that and it takes moments like today to remind me that God is listening and his eyes are turned on me and focused on me and my family to do his will.
"Oh Lord that I may just catch a glimpse of your eyes as they stare at me as you love me. May I be gracious to people and love them beyond my understanding and that you may grant me the resources to give abundantly, to help your people in need. Amen."
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